sadness

This deep blackness spreads over me sometimes when I think about Whitney's future. I tell myself I should not worry, that she is so loving she will have everything and everyone she needs. How do parents cope with this? It's such a deep sadness that I almost can't stand it. I heard a parent say once that finding out their child was autistic was like dealing with the death of a child - the death of the future you pictured. Every day you have to deal with that. It's so selfish of me - it's my vision that disappoints me, not hers. I couldn't ask for a kinder more beautiful child, yet here I sit crazy with worry about what is to come for her.We have come so far though. She is communicating very well, and many of the physical challenges have been overcome. There is a lot of hope. It's good sometimes to not have a diagnosis.

It's just really starting to be noticable to people that she is different, and people are mean. It amazes me what people, adults even, will say in the presence of my child. A woman stared me down tonight for helping Whitney with a bowl of ice cream. My goodness -she was eating it almost completely on her own. I had to help break it up a little, and hold the dish which was very light. Those disapproving eyes just bore into me, and the head shaking..... Add that to the experience in the restaurant in PA where the woman said Whitney was so thin it was disgusting, and adults and kids commenting on her still needing pullups - I'm just about at my wit's end.